Ever since I heard about The Brown Bunny, the Vincent Gallo tour-de-force which premiered at Cannes (garnering the distinguished “Worst Film at Cannes Ever” award from the critics), I have been obsessed with a single idea.

That idea is to remake The Brown Bunny shot-for-shot, but with an all rabbit cast (a la Night of the Living Bread). If the critics think Brown Bunny was bad*, wait until they see my opus–uncooperative actors, dialogue completely out of sync with the actors’ lips, the directors’ hands in the shot (turning the bunnies around to face each other when they wander away from their marks), all that.
Unfortunately, when I went to Vincent Gallo’s website to write him with this million-dollar idea, I was confronted with the following message:

Do not send me scripts, as I have never read a script in my life, including ones to films I’ve acted in, and ones that I’ve written and directed. I only accept legal pay or play offers from attorneys, please don’t tell me about the film you’re going to make one day. I’ll be dead long before that happens, any day now maybe.

Dammit! At least I got a chuckle out of the continuation of his “contact” page:

If you’d like to send a nude photo of yourself and you were BORN a female, please do so by posting the photograph elsewhere and typing the URL in this form.

Makes you wonder what else he gets in the mail. Oh well. Back to toiling in obscurity.

*No, I have not seen the movie yet. It hasn’t been released in the States yet, as far as I know.