I was going to post about the Abu Ghraib affair today, but I was interrupted by a phone call from the Jehovah's Witnesses. Again.
<br><blockquote>
<i>"Hello, I'm calling my neighbors about the conflict."</i><br>
"The what?"<br>
<i>"The conflict in the world today."</i><br>
"Which one is that, again?"<br>
(Exasperatedly) <i>"The conflict! C-O-M–"</i><br>
"Yeah, yeah, the conflict, I get it. Which conflict? Between whom?"<br>
<i>"Between all the people, and God, and–"</i><br>
"You aren't one of those Jehovah's Witnesses, are you?"<br>
<i>"Yes, yes I am."</i><br>
"OK. Hey, I always wanted to ask–under the Jehovah's Witnesses program you're selling, I hear that you believe only 144,000 people can ever get into heaven, is that correct?"<br>
<i>"Well, yes, the Bible specifies 144,000…"</i><br>
"Where in the Bible?"<br>
<i>"In Revelations…"</i><br>
"You're saying that out of all the people who are, and all the people who have ever been, and all those who will ever be, only 144,000 will ever get into heaven?" (I know. I was a philosophy student, so sue me.)<br>
<i>"I don't understand."</i><br>
"There are about six billion people in the world today, right?"<br>
<i>"Yes…?"</i><br>
"OK, now we've been here for tens of thousands of years, as a species… so considering all the dead people, all the people who have been but are no more…" <br>
<i>"I guess–"</i><br>
"I mean, look my odds under the Jehova's Witnesses program! That's like
several trillion over 144,000!"<br>
(Laughter) <i>"We don't get to choose who goes to heaven. God
chooses…"</i><br>
"Oh, right, of course God chooses, but why wouldn't I just go with an
alternate vendor who gives me better chances? And then consider all the
people who will come after me! My odds are basically nil! It almost seems
like I should save myself the trouble and not believe in heaven at
all!"<br>
<i>"Well you could do that, but–"</i><br>
"I can? Grrrreat. I'll just go ahead with that then." <b>Click!</b>
</blockquote>
I did some quick calculations: assuming no one in the history of human
kind has ever gone to heaven, and the apocalyse starts tomorrow, you have
a 0.00024% of going to heaven, according to the Watchtower Bible and Tract
Society, Incorporated (a.k.a. The Jehovah's Witnesses).

To think I could have gone a whole day without someone telling me to go to
hell…