When I saw that the President was going to hold a press conference on Fox News this morning, I got out my notepad and took some notes:

Smirks	Guffaws

9/26 Bush remarks re: energy supply

Bush looks haggard, like he hasn’t slept or watched professional sports in days. The rumors that he’s started drinking again seem more and more plausible; I don’t remember him stuttering quite as much as he did while he announced his emergency energy policy. I think it’s because oil is one of the few things he actually knows about. Is he reliving his failures in the other family business? And if so, when do we get to see the good ol’ GWB, the rip-roaring party boy who was fun to hang out with, the President who Monday morning quarterbacks across the country thought would be more fun to hang out with than John Kerry?

Tapping the strategic oil reserves again: better get it out of texas while we still can. You’d think he’d be opposed to using the reserve–it’s government interference with the market, no? If he’s serious about addressing the problems, why not let oil prices rise until we lessen “unnecessary trips” by having another energy crisis?

Redefining success: “There’s three of the four major gasoline pipelines — three of the four pipelines in the affected area are major gasoline pipelines that supply the Midwest and the East Coast. The Plantation Pipeline, which is an East Coast pipeline, is at 100 percent capacity. That’s one of the real success stories of this storm. In other words, it didn’t go down at all.”

Probably because it starts in Baton Rouge and wasn’t in the path of the storm, fuckface.

Rolling back environmental legislation for Katrina’s sake:

I’m actually writing a monster article about Katrina and oil, but let’s take the shortcut. If Bush is really serious about our energy problems, why doesn’t he let the market sort it out? Higher gas prices should lead less gas usage, right? (This is a rhetorical question, mind you.)

It reminds me of the Simspons’ spoof of “It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World,” where they’re digging a hole:

“Uh, how do we get out of this hole?”

“Dig up, stupid!”